Phantom Parodies

Here you can find stories, scripts, etc. loosely based on Phantom of the Opera with a twist (combined with another show). Again, if you have any contributions to make, please send email to webmaster@phantoms-opera.8m.com with the subject titled as "Phantom Parody". All work copyrighted to their owners; e-mail them if you intend on using them for your own purposes.

Jerry Springer episode title: "Love Triangles of the Paris Opera House" or "Masked men and the Sopranos Who Love Them"

Christine sits on the stage, explaining her situation: "Well, I'm seeing this guy, Raoul, who's a Viscount. We've known each other since childhood...but there's something I have to tell him."

Jerry: "Let's bring out Raoul!"

Raoul emerges and sits in the chair next to Christine and gives her a quick kiss. Christine looks at him nervously, drawing away.

Jerry: "So, Raoul, how has everything been going with Christine?"

Raoul: "I love her very much...she's the perfect woman for me." Smiles lovingly at Christine (not understanding why the hell he is on this inane TV show, and what is a TV show, anyways???).

Jerry: "Well, Raoul...Christine has something she has to tell you...Christine?"

Christine pales visibly and takes Raoul's hands into hers. "Well, Raoul, you know that I love you very much..." (Raoul nods enthusiastically) "Well...um...I've been seeing someone else..."

Her voice trails off and Raoul jumps to his feet, sputtering incoherently: "What? Who...who is it Christine?" (etc., etc.).

In the middle of this, Jerry say, "Well let's see who Christine's new lover is."

The audience looks expectantly at the door, expecting it to be either a woman or a transvestite. Erik glides partway into the room, pausing just inside the door, shrinking from the lights. He sees Christine and moves towards her, obviously intent on being near her.

Raoul sees him, and curses loudly (which is drown out by something like a zillion beeps). "What the hell? This is what you want Christine? What the hell is he? Some sort of monster or a freak?!!" Raoul grabs the nearest chair and runs at Erik, ready to crash it down on his head.

(The audience begins to chant: "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!")

Erik, though is faster, and the punjab lasso whips out and catches him around the next. Jerry's two big body guards try to restrain Erik. He kicks one, viciously sending him across the room and hits the other with his free hand, knocking him unconscious. Raoul is gagging, trying to loosen the lasso, but to no avail...Christine runs to Erik, begging him to let Raoul go. Erik does, but only after Raoul is safely unconscious.

Erik grabs Christine and hauls her off stage, leaving the building with her. Jerry stands in front of the camera, looking quite bewildered, saying, "What the hell just happened?"

And on to a commercial...

Just a typical day on Jerry Springer.